At Home with Jacie

Jacie Lake turned 37 yesterday, October 21st.  She's not sure exactly how she feels about that just yet, but as of right now, it's no big deal.  She's grateful for her blessings, regretful for her mistakes, and believes that her future is waiting for her to arrive.  If only there was a road map to get her there.  The last few years she feels like she's been just putting in her time as an office droid until she could really put herself into something that she's passionate about.  The time has finally arrived.  She's going to start today.

Simple by design, Jacie's house is a warm butter yellow with stark white trim.  It's a one level cottage with the cross braces in the windows, shutters that are actually useable, and decorative eaves that give it an animated look. The front yard is meticulously manicured with a beautiful linden tree in the center and rose bushes climbing the trellis next to the front porch.  It's the old fashioned kind of porch, with a rocking chair on one side of the front door and a porch swing hanging on the other.  A wind chime dangles carelessly just behind the rocking chair and solar lights line the walk that leads to the porch.  Each side of the house has a single row of sunflowers with gigantic blossoms creeping up the walls, and a single rose bush on each front corner.  The backyard is fairly large but manageable with just a few trees, a flower bed, and a small portion sectioned off for a garden. 

Resolutions... for Real. No Fail Plan.

Well well well... 2013.  We finally meet.  Just exactly what do you think you have in store for me, eh?  Bring it on.  There is a sense of determination, a sense of future accomplishments, no fear to interject its nasty fury, no insecurities to undermine my vision... oh they still exist, but in a far off distant land where I have locked them up for at least a little while.

I know there is a grand scheme to everything under the sun and I know we are in the dark a little bit, especially when daylight savings time is still ruling the day, but I know that every choice me make will be a determining factor in the final outcome of our days.

Me, for instance, I have chosen to return to Probation and Parole.  Still in the admin arena, not a P.O., but happy to be back, full-time, with more challenging duties on my plate, and with a group of people who I love and trust.  They are all very good people, each with their own personality quirks, habits - bad and good, and who LOVE pot luck lunches!!!

Along with welcoming in the New Year, I will be saying good-bye to 2012 and all of its woes... most precious on that list of woes was losing a few very wonderful people who are now Angels among us... that's the only way I can accept the losses.  Most ridiculous on the list, the car troubles we had... it became comical after a while.  Sami's car had a major/minor issue in July when she was almost stuck between Billings and Havre at 11:00 pm but she was able to limp it in to Havre... took about 2 weeks for some auto tech guys to get it figured out and it wasn't exorbitantly expensive - and her grandparents picked up that tab.  In the first part of August, it was our pickup... blew the transmission which was less than one year old from Hanser's - a "new" rebuilt transmission that they claimed was just fine but every time Dean picked it up and hooked the camper back up, it slipped, again and again.  Finally, after some "words," one of their techs had a conscience and the transmission was replaced again.  No problems since.  Phew!  Then, at the end of August, Brandi had a little fender bender, to the tune of $1500 + and one and a half months of driving my Jeep, which put me in the Bronco - when the weather was nice and thankfully we were fortunate enough to have the extra ride - or the pickup, which then took on a horrible habit of getting flat tires, like 3 weeks straight.  Theeeeeennnnn, the last day that Brandi would be driving my Jeep in mid-October, as her car was going to be finished the next day, the engine in my Jeep, well, died.  It blew a piston (I think it broke a LONG time ago) and then it finally got caught and destroyed the cylinder thingy.  So, I haven't actually driven my Jeep since the last weekend in August.  I miss(ED) it... until December 31st...

I got a NEW car!  Well, new to me and nearly brand new.  :)  A Chevy Captiva, just a few miles, all the bells and whistles - which I never had before and only guessed what I was missing out on.  But I LOVE it!  I will be testing it out on winter roads today... I'm expecting great things from it, not miracles, mind you, just great things as far as the remote start, the heated seats, the AWD, lol~

I have a new outlook regarding our household management.  I'm a bit of a tyrant right now, but I suppose, if I had started my tyrant ways sooner, the benefits would already be appreciated... but here goes.  Re-arranged/re-organized the entire kitchen cabinets, the refrigerator, and went completely through our craft/sewing room that looked like a hoarders heaven.  Have made a list and checked it twice of all the little projects left unfinished with a plan to complete at least one project every weekend.

I'm also trying something new with our financial management.  We will be attempting the envelope system for anything and everything that is not a "permanent" expense.  We will each make a list, can be as long as we want, then prioritize the top 5 items for each person, compare notes and prioritize the top 10 for the whole family.  Starting with a nice little chunk o' change in each envelope and using self discipline of each person to not spend what we do not NEED to spend.  Ever.  Wish us luck!

Hope you all have a Fabulous Friday!  oh, wait, per Megan Brown via that one commercial... hope you have a super sparkly day!!!  Begin Each Day With Love and Compassion~  Brooke

All for One... One for All...

They did everything together... Tom and Sarah.  Today, they were meeting for lunch at the new sandwich joint on the wharf.  There aren't many in the area, usually any type of restaurant offers seafood only.  When Sarah pulled up, call it karma or whatever, a spot opened up and she pulled right in.  It was an outdoor, walk-up window for ordering at and then picnic tables to sit at.  Tom was already in line and gave a little wave to her.  She walked over and gave him a hug.  They were the best of friends, the kind that know they would never date each other (because they tried for a very brief moment after they had known each other for a short time) and that the other's love life was off limits for discussion or criticism.  Otherwise, they talked about everything.

Sarah Keagan, 36 years old, had a demanding look about her.  She always dressed business casual in oxford shirts, sometimes a jacket, and any type of slacks other than jeans.  She saved those for weekends or anytime other than work.  She stood 5' 9" on the money and was obsessed with maintaining proper posture.  She had seen how her grandmother's height shrank and the curvature to her spine would cause discomfort and at times was downright painful.  Sarah had her grandmother's crystal blue eyes, sandy blonde hair, and thin frame... being thin partly came from genes and partly from high metabolism and a nervous energy.  She was always on a mission.  Hyper-vigilant at times and just plain curious more often than not.

Tom Schafer was 10 years her senior and offered a balance of cool, calm, collectedness that Sarah's drive lacked.  She could bounce ideas and theories around without fear of debilitating criticism but knew the responses she would get would come from a place of understanding and pure encouragement, even if the response wasn't what she wanted to hear.  It was always straightforward and honest.  She appreciated this quality immensely and hoped someday she would meet someone who would be similar to Tom in that nature.

Tom was slighty taller than 6' and had dark hair and very dark brown eyes.  He was a medium build, about 200 pounds, not a thin structure, but definitely toned from being committed to working out 3-4 times a week.  He wasn't a fanatic about it but wanted to maintain a level of fitness to some extent.  When he was out hiking or hunting he didn't want to be wheezing nor sore after the activity.  His father had passed away from a heart condition just 3 years ago and had never been a healthy active individual.

The line at the sandwich shop was moving along quickly and the menu was posted on the wall above the ordering window.  Sarah chose a grilled teriyaki chicken sandwich with a little honey mustard, mayo, lettuce, and tomato.  Tom ordered a Philly Cheese Steak with all the grilled veggies on top.  After ordering, they moved to the right and backed up to make room for others to pick up their orders.  Sarah was on Tom's left and as she glanced around the parking lot and picnic tables, she recognized a co-worker, Evelyn, who was a rumor mill all on her own.  Sarah cringed when she thought of all the things she'd heard Evelyn say about others in their agency... not just their immediate co-workers or even their individual office, but the entire agency.  Sarah had been warned about the rumor mill but had always held a belief that people create that environment all on their own.

It starts with Your Imagination...

Imagine yourself tomorrow... a week from now, a month from now, a year from now.  Can you see it?  It's very difficult for me to imagine the future. 


I've never been very good at setting a goal and then actually making a plan and checking steps off of the list.  I'm trying to change that now.  It's not a New Year's Resolution, because obviously it's October.  It's a step in the right direction though.  I saw an anecdote that said: "No matter how far wrong you go, you can always turn around."  I understand the concept but also realize that even if you turn around from any path to choose another route, things will be different.  You should be one of them. 

Another saying:  "The definition of insane:  Repeating the same thing expecting a different result."  I cannot keep doing what I've been doing and expect a better, or different, outcome. 

Some of the items on my list that I'm currently working on: 

Getting up earlier every day than I have previously.  I've always been a night owl so this is very new and I struggle more with getting to sleep early than I do with getting up early.  I just need to create a new routine at bedtime as well.  The main purpose of this, is to dedicate 30 minutes to writing every day.  I'm about 1/2 way there because I have been getting up earlier every day and writing for 30 minutes 3 times a week.  Now I just need to ease into writing every day for 30 minutes every morning.  I'll be giving that more attention next week.  Wish me luck!

Another one is becoming more physically active.  I bookmarked the "Couch to 5k" website and completed the first day of training... that's one baby step but if I don't set a specific time to get on the treadmill, there will be no tread marks.  So, I believe the next step would mean getting up even a little earlier and either writing for 30 minutes then 20 minutes on the treadmill or vice versa. 

Another one involves creating a budget and sticking to it.  It always feels like we're living paycheck to paycheck but we are very wasteful and also spoiled with some material things.  I'd really like to see how much we could cut back and how much we could actually save if we are determined to do so.  Aaahhh... that's another issue.  We.  It should be easier to maintain and work toward a goal if you have a partner in crime with the same, or at least similar, agenda.  Hoping I can get my family on board to see the importance, not only in living more conservatively, but also the value in the peace of mind knowing you are doing better for the future.

So, three fairly concrete goals for me.  The fourth and last one is to maintain the goals in my thoughts and actions every day, so I will make notes for myself and blog at least once every two weeks on my progress.  I believe that positive things will happen as goals are set and a path will become clear as long as the first step is taken.   

Accomplishment and Self...

After some self-contemplation and visiting with a couple of friends, I've come to a better understanding of what makes people feel good about themselves, including me.   When you go to work and start a project, you are playing connect the dots most of the time.  You expect an order, a flow that makes sense, and of course, every job has obstacles.  Detours are an unavoidable element because things will never be ideal or perfect.

The most frustrating thing about the obstacles and detours are when they occur because of someone else's negligence, unknown need, or inept ability to follow the protocol.  These elements are beyond your control and create anxiety.  You feel like you're always putting out a fire, and sometimes it's the same fire over and over again because things just aren't flowing smoothly.

The other issue here is that your co-workers or counter associates in other agencies may have other issues that are more pressing, in the workplace, at home, medical issues... the obligations and distractions that each individual faces on any given day are various and multiple.  Some courtesy and compassion can take you far in your requests of others.

The same thing occurs in our personal lives every day pertaining to household matters.  Ideally every member of the family will put their dirty laundry where it belongs, put dirty dishes, empty cans, and garbage in their proper receptacles.  They would put various tools/items back in their proper homes after each use.  They would wipe down the top of the stove and the inside of the microwave after each use.

It's called CAYG!!!  Clean As You Go!!!  Oh boy... I'm on a soapbox now...

I recommend the following remedy, for personal sanity and satisfaction:

First, recognize the fact that you cannot control others.  Realize that how you react is up to you.  Do you like to complain?  Do you like to create drama?  Does your heart race when you get worked up?  Do you feel your face begin to get hot when someone puts a wrench in your plan?  You are internalizing your inability to control others.  Once you recognize these facts, you are better able to address your feeling of failure, i.e. lack of accomplishment due to elements out of your control.

Second, just do it... it doesn't matter if it's creating a new habit, breaking a bad habit; it is about checking it off of your to-do list.  If you do it, you'll feel better.  Start by listing 10 things, right now, today, that are bugging you or that need to be done but you just haven't been motivated.  Your list could be compiled of chores, personal in nature, business related, or even that "someday" repair list... 

It doesn't matter what the context is, what matters is crossing items off of the list and adding new ones.  The sense of accomplishment can start with:  Getting out of bed earlier today than yesterday... doing something you set your mind to feels good.  Fixing something that's broke feels good.  Cleaning something that's dirty feels good.

Before you know it, your to-do list will be full of things you want to do instead of being lop-sided with things you need to do. 

Presentation is everything...

Call it bedside manner or what you will, but how information is presented is everything.

Telling a joke?  Of course timing matters, tremendously, but even if timing is perfect, it can't cover up the lackluster presentation that comes across duller than a fence post.

Introducing yourself?  Presentation matters... your body language, tone of voice, choice of words... could be the difference between successful networking and that polite grin, wrinkled brow, and "uh huh," with a nod of the head that says, Ok, now go away...

I may not be an expert on the issue, but I do know one thing about people in general:  how they react, more often than not, depends on presentation.  Presentation can manipulate, to some extent, reactions of the audience.

Think of the last time someone criticized you...  Criticism is not generally a positive experience, even for people who are open-minded, confident, and make a practice of using it to their benefit.  The reality is that it is still criticism.  But, how did you respond to the criticism?  Did you internalize it?   Did you start to berate the critical eye of the person you received the criticism from?  Or, did they present the criticism in a way that encouraged you to make mental notes of what you could do better? that encouraged you to ask questions so that you could better fulfill the expectations of whatever your task was?

What would that look like?  What would it feel like?  How would it sound?  I believe some people are labeled as brash, or cold-hearted, or a jackass because they've never learned to finesse their presentation.  Some people think of this practice as walking on egg shells or using Kid-gloves because the receiving party is just too damn sensitive, taking any information or criticism that is not presented in a "touchy-feely" kind of way as a personal attack.

My belief is that every encounter between two people is more genuine when the whole person is taken into account.  They do have feelings, they may be having a shitty day, they may have made errors or bad choices,  they may have personal issues that are preventing them from focusing as much as they need to or would like to.  If you think you know someone who can totally banish all facets of their personal life while at work or all facets of their work life while at home, you are sadly mistaken.  They may be able to keep up the facade to all external eyes, but internally, in the subconscious, the gears are still turning, trying to unravel whatever mess or mayhem they are a party to.

There are plenty of other reasons to self-edit when presenting information of any kind in any format.  Some of the personally gratifying things are:  presenting great information in an equally great manner, presenting not so great information in a way that produces the least amount of anxiety or distress for the receiving party - trying to be a compassionate human, presenting encouraging information in a way that is just that: encouraging and with a boost that sparks the receiving party into action instead of into a dismal feeling of failure...

I have never been perfect about presentation nor claim to be, but I do try to make every encounter a little more tactful than the last, a little more insightful with an upswing, a little more thought provoking and motivating.  This I will always strive to do.

Early am...

Today is my youngest daughter's 17th Birthday... holy crap how time flies when you're having fun! I hope she has a wonderful day filled with smiles and laughter~ Love you Brandi!!

Waking up at 4:30 am is not my forte... I'm not much of a morning person... at all really... but today? Hmmm... I have been trying to convince myself to get up early for the one and only purpose of writing every day. What made today different? I have no friggin' idea but I've been up for about an hour and a half trying to rack my brain and come up with something worth writing... er reading...

I saw a quote or anecdote or something that has been the focus of my attention for a couple of weeks at least and I hope to use it to my advantage: 

"Write something worth reading or do something worth writing." 

Not sure who's quote it is or where I saw it but it sure makes sense. Write something worth reading or do something worth writing. Either one is a tall order.

 I want to focus on the doing. I want to do something that feels productive, is satisfying to the soul, something that matters and that will influence others in positive ways. I don't know what that is yet...

The most productive thing I've done in my life thus far (at least by my own standards) is raise two very beautiful, intelligent, healthy daughters. They are as different as night and day in some respects and very similar in others. If they are all I ever have to offer to the world, I am proud to be their mom and am certain they will do great things in their futures.

Until I know what I'm going to do worth writing, I'll continue to write, hopefully some stuff worth reading, hopefully more often than not, and hopefully re-train myself to getting up earlier to do so. The first step is planting the butt in the chair, so to speak, and putting the words on paper. That much I know.